I ask myself....

Will i ever see you again???

I will forever and always treasure the love that I have been offered by numerous girls and keep keeping on steady assurance that life is as it is because that’s how it was planned by the one most high God.(fate) I know that somewhere in my own handwriting I have put down in black and white that ‘love is nothing but just a state of mind’ well, that’s true but it doesn’t apply anywhere near the fact that mothers are the ones that offer and practice real love. I happen to read somewhere that God wasn’t able to be around to offer tangible love to the human beings and that is why there are mothers like mine to offer that Godly side of loving.
And about my being a happy and fun/raving kind of a guy, I have no apologies for that because people worry much about the end result of our lives rather than appreciating the moment in time. I don’t know when am going to die, get crippled or have a scar that’s going to put an end to my scrumptious and savvy dating and flirty period of my life or when am going to get married to a hot or maybe ugly chick who knows and care about then? Because even though it does cross my brains time to time I really don’t give the thoughts much mind air time. I would like people or someone anyone to say that I used to live a despicably awesome life at my eulogy!!
Crazy as it may seem, I love my stupid and carefree life, and I read comic strips, watch cartoons and comedy movies that crack me up from the otherwise odds of this ugly mother earth. I pray when times are hard and also say thanks to God when things are good for me that am something that I can’t forget and will always do in this lifetime.
Most people just paddle and waddle through life, they are passive and lack the machismo to live like real people. I want to live an awesome and epic life and I hope that they say that they put that in my eulogy.

Beguiled by your feminine charms all I could see was me floating up in the sky or better yet call them cloud nine!! I thought and believed that all this is going to last a lifetime! I know that am human and you are too and that we all make mistakes that we sometimes even call let out of our mouths in seeking forgiveness even when one is remorseful. But, living with different types of people I have come to realize that there is no wrong that is not worth forgiving, the power to forgive is bestowed in us through love. Love conquers even the worst of enemies even though it’s a state of mind, it makes me remember that when we were deep or maybe I was deep and you were not we used to tell each other that if at all one of us finds what’s best for them then not to let the chance pass by because we were not sure that what we offer each other was enough. I always believed that I wasn’t doing enough when you really needed me, let u down countless times, told you to do what your mind and heart was not willing to do. I have always wanted a chance to just say am sorry because with or without your love I had promised you and myself that I will always keep you deep south in my heat and always love and cherish the much you have shared to me, the risks you have taken for me and always clinging to the broken and unfulfilled promises that I made to you.
The one thing that really pesters my petty head and heart is whatever happened? What is it that you always wanted to say to me that was not able to bulge out of your lips?? By the time that I am writing this, eight moons have appeared and faded while I was always trying to get you to at least tell me what it is that you have to say. You kept telling me that its important and you can’t tell me over the phone, I made numerous trips to see you but every time we were together you said it can wait as you will definitely tell me when the right time pops up, last time I was unfortunate to find you in a hospital bed admitted and you told me that what you had been diagnosed with was pelvic inflammatory disease and it’s in its chronic stage and the hospital couldn’t let you get out, I came to see you there at the hospital as I was already in Naivasha. Bad thing is I didn’t have extra cash as I had been in Mombasa and I had spent all my cash there, but still I had always wanted you to get the examination/medical report of what has been troubling you so that I could make arrangements to take you to hospital and foot the bill through talking my boss into paying and allow me to pay up slowly. I have always taken you as everything in my small bubble of a life which only had space for you alone. So that day I asked you if at all the results were the ones that you had been unable to tell about to me??You said no! And it struck me that I have a long way to go in getting wha
t that was about so I let it go that day as I also felt it’s inappropriate to ask you in your current medical condition!
I’d rather die a sinner as I will be responsible for my acts of sinfull deeds but surely would not want to die with illusions in my head that maybe I did something weird or wrong to a pure heart of another being! So I plan to wait, not for your love and care anymore because maybe I aint worth that anymore, but for you to tell me whatever it had been that you always thought that you had to tell me but wasn’t able to.
I have to admit that there is one thing that came out of this whole story, I fell in love with the town that she lived in, that being Naivasha!! People condemn occupants of a certain town or place due to the bad occurrences that happen there but thing is that is not exactly correct and I have to say that I think that sometimes the beautiful and bright faces and lives arise and or are nurtured from the darkest sides of the world…..despite the smell and aura of murder, rape, alcoholism and negativity that surrounds it, I get the peace that I always deserve when around this place!!!
well?? there you have it........
ranjaboy.

images courtesy of  Rangi- Africa Blogs.